idontneedablogtitle

this really sucks

this really really really really really sucks.

i want to die already

how to pass how to pass how to pass

not even studying.

haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissssssssssssssssssssss

POF POF POF POF POF!! allmy plans for finishing up at least first term’s work are gone, gone, gone.

really do not want to deal with reality right now. the future looks so bleak i might as well just end it up now.

and obviously i am only sounding suicidal without being one. as usual. oh wait. later j go kb me again.

i think retail therapy has like.. advanced to the academic sector.

friday - never buy anything: never study

saturday - go park: tried studying

sunday - bought lego £60: 2 hours of studying

monday - £250 coat and jacket: 3 hours of studying.

reliable statistics haha

there is just a point in life when you must give up certain things. for the benefit of the heart.

okay not heart.

if lungs are full of logic and heart of emotions. where does irritation goes? maybe the anal.

that’s where you are. out of my mind.

i sound totally ridiculous but who cares. if you want to plagarise take the shit. figuratively and literally.

one can never give full protection but at least you can identify the theives and protect yourself.

years and years of hardwork stolen but luckily you can only ever touch the surface. it is true innit that is why i can never memorise other ppl’s essays for exams. it is hard to copy and paste and thank god *will have one for myself soon* for that.

it is nature’s own IP mechanism.

speaking of exams, screwed up 2 essays for TRUST BECAUSE OF TRACING OBVIOUSLY. EU is probably okay… Tax, screwed up one. Hopefully the other one I did correctly but Lee said probably. hope so hope so. PoF can just go screw itself.

qiqi is here!!! haha.

time to suck up girl!

why must you go and force me to do things against my own moral principles? i have morals unlike you.

on a lighter note, jut bought big lego set instead of studying yesterday but did did 3 chapters so so proud of myself. and blue toilet paper isjust not nice.

can’t forget about you!! - you know who you are. okay actually you don’t.

haha. you calculator. you sucker. leacher. loser. theft.

i shall write a poem about you.

it’s alright. i forgive you. you had NOTHING to lose and everything to gain through theft.

i don’t sound like myself do i. but then again, nowadays who really does? it is hard to blog in abstract. respect to those who does. i need to privatise but i need to tell as well.

one day the truth shall emerge and the we will laugh at you.

it is amazing how fucked up one can feel. right before an exam especially.

obviously.

why why why why why is my life so fucked

not wanting to sound abstract (and therefore emo) but certain things are better recorded in brief. especially in a public sphere (EU!!)

xxx told me bout some secondary school days stuff and oh wells. DAMN SHOULDN’T HAVE TOLD ME ABOUT IT haha because it fucked me brains up. sometimes ignorance is bliss. not that it was a big matter but recent exam stress has been getting into my head.

exams are fucked.

though my visas are finally 75% done. now my fate is finally out of my hands i can finally settle down and study.

i hope i know what i am talking about 10 years from now. but it is still not exactly abstract. haha. just empty.

okay. this is totally just a note to myself that i actually did study this year - in case i forget.

okay i hardly studied yesterday nor last week but it is all because of my visa problems. everyday has to deal with them.

i studied from 10am in the morning till almost 6 with just a little break in between on monday. that’s for the record.

and i studied until i fell asleep in starbucks and somebody go and wake me up just to make sure i am just sleeping. i obviously stopped. so for the record i did study  (effectively) for 4 hours yesterday’s afternoon while waiting for lee and kelvin to come back from exams. and yesterday night hardly did anything because cannot get anything in and HEADACHE was killing me. sometimes i admire the other 2. amazing tolerance. and i always thought my tolerence is high but not when i only slept 5 hours.

this morning woke up at 7 started reading my property at 8. somemore managed to buy 2 pairs of backstreet boys ticket for tonight. which is actually in surplus. but i hope the ebay person wont be a bitch. and for the past 2 hours i’ve been studying!! now gg to nap.

just to tell myself next year how much i studied this year thancan make comparison. past 2 weeks just stuck on the same few pages of trust. which is still unfinished.

and i thought democratic deficit is so easy until j bombared me with new stuff. and i still have not decided on topics for tax, and totally regretting on property topic. hais.

it is a sad fact of life that you only realise how interesting and intellectually stimulating the readings the teacher give you at the start of the year are when you do not have time to appreciate and read up more on them.

like one of the most horrible feelings in the world. is to know your death date and to know you are getting nearer and nearer. and the shittest thing is you can’t even like just fuck it and give up. you must still waste your time and effort to try to safe yourself or you might not forgive yourself after that.

then you start regretting not putting in more efforts earlier.

and the worst thing is when you still have even more worrying, visa problems to worry about.

it is so depressing when you realise that at A levels you are aiming for 100% and that 84/90 is a let down. And now.. getting a 3rd is a given [if can carry on my momentum tht would soon be out of the picture] - 2:2 a given, 2:1 a blessing and 1 like.. impossible.

life sucks.

it is not fun to go to exam halls knowing you are probably going to get 40-50 at this rate, 50-60 if you study slightly higher, and a 65 if you started studying a couple of weeks ago. no wonder the english are such a depressed race. you don’t even provide yourself with the highness from getting 80/90s. at least for law. gah.

on the other hand, damn proud of myself and i officially declare that J from today onwards HAVE NO RIGHT to complain that we do not study because as of right now (and for past couple hours) she has been youtubing watching lame chinese shows (don’t even give herself the credit of watching high quality shows) and me doing tax (2/3 of topic done yippie!!!!!) that’s 2/9 of today’s target. and lee is copying kelvin’s notes dutifully in her room. and kelvin is.. poor him.

today’s tax class was interesting. haha. it is fun to see two professors who are so obviously not fond of each other teach together.

the whole lesson was like.. wtf. haha. the old one kept like.. correcting the young one with the technical stuff. and the young one is like.. not sure if he is trying to be funny but kept asking ppl to ask the old one question in such an insincere way. and i AM SURE i saw him roll his eyes - just slightly, like 90degrees at some point towards the nerdy boys.

and the funniest thing is they are obviously educated and polite and is like constantly being so very polite to each other it is like.. hello you are both teaching the same subject shouldn’t you hvae more interaction than that? then halfway they totally forgot they are having a class and started having an intellectual taxual conversation bout this big (tax) scandal etc. etc.

and the constant interruption and correction - substantially boring but haha.. funny even when i am not really listening. was thinking more about my visa.

which is not out yet. fucking hell i really really want to know what all these people do. like why the fuck do you need 15 days (+ up to 1 month) to approve of one passport? i seriously seriously want to know. fucking inefficient and like.. wtf? you don’t need to waste ppl’s time for like.. weeks just to put on an act of oh-terrorists,-dont-try-to-be-funny-cos-we-really-do-research-into-you/elitism. wtf wtf.

really want to give them a slap.

and on the dark side no.2, my TV stick which arrived today does not work - no signals. fuckers.

dark side no.3, another day wasted.

hais hais hais.

almost let slip in a conversation today but totally forgot what it was alll about.

and i think i am so cheated. apparently the doctor’s daughter is just a testtube baby. boring. sian. they really do want to keep him assexual don’t they? fucking producers. and they channel all their innate perverse sexual ideas into torchwood when it would be so much more fun if it is on doctor who. oh wells it is family show.

so far still have not met anyone at uni who likes it just many who thinks it is lame. well it is politically incorrect to discriminate against disabled ppl so the same should be said for tv shows as well.

sometimes even i myself know that i am so nonsensical i understand why my essays sucks. i totally should not be a lawyer. law firms should just hire me to create trouble in the world and pull more ppl into their business. then they can sponsor my extravagant lifestyle and legal fees while the other party pays for it yeah.

nice.